Lightning.
Her divine coffee-colored hair
Her blaring, confidant laughs ricocheting off the classroom walls
Her supple skin—
There she relaxes in front of me.
Her prinked rosy face,
With her quick, unexpected winks
Her vivacious spirit
Like soda foam tickling my mouth
Her smooth revealing skirts showing
Flesh, pink and peeking,
Her form-fitting shirt emblazoned—Lightning.
Will this hour not end?
I wrote this last year for creative-writing. We had to incorporate lightning somehow. I wanted to post some poetry since I haven't in awhile, and I think one of the original purposes for this bloggity blog was to put my writing out there for general critiques and constructive opinions because I'm all about improvement and people are more honest when they can't see the person they're critiquing (that and they don't know them as well).
Comments
I think 'Will this hour never end?' would have better rhythm, maybe.
I love your casual similes and metaphors; it gives the poem a very nice real feel. If you know what I mean. Coffee, soda fizz...yeah.
I love it. :D